To be back again, after what seemed an eternity at home, is, I must admit, rather good for the moment. I enjoyed being at home, the feeling of security, the solace of being near to those who intimately know and love me, the joys of being surrounded by nature, and of course, the curious pleasure of being in a house surrounded by an endless assortment of useless knick knacks and other such things to trip over. But, strangely enough, it seems less and less like home every time I return.
I must be honest, I will be glad when this trekking back and forth from Arkansas to Michigan is over. My apartment feels more like home than my home does, yet the atmosphere and people in my family make it feel more like home than the friends I have here at school. Bah!
It is something to look forward too, however, it is not to be rushed. There is a plethora of lessons and things to experience here in the south. I am striving to learn how to be content and reconciled to my situations in life, finding joy when I can, and maintaining the hope within me that one day life will not seem so very empty, nor as seemingly meaningless. I suppose many young people feel that feeling… that drifting, aimless, lost feeling. I am sure it will ease in severity once I finally know where I am to root myself, where I might permanently live, and in which direction I might take my life.
When I am at home my old dreams of writing Bible curriculum, being a teacher, and all sorts of useful activity as that, visit me. But then there is not a church outlet for such a dream!
When I am at home I begin to dream about being married, being the mistress of my own house, and being a delight and joy to my own little family; a loving and encouraging wife! But, alas, Mr. Charming is taking longer than expected to sit up upon that noble steed of his and come and rescue me. Or perhaps he is lost. You know how men are and stopping to ask for directions. I believe that God gives every one of us gifts to use in the work of His kingdom. I think (if it is proper to declare such a thing) that he gave me the give of encouragement. I love so dearly to listen to and encourage others. I thrive on making them feel special, understood, and happy; I only regret that my own struggles have inhibited me from fully developing this talent, of late. I have resolved to make it more of my focus to establish this gift as a skill, instead of an occasional activity I pick up ever so often.
Thus is the current of thoughts which stream within my consciousness. Six more weeks of this busyness then at least work won’t be so chaotic. The sweetness of summer is already hinting its presence outside and I set out to conquer the day, a pray in my heart, and hope upon my mind.
