Three years ago, “Invaded suddenly by a rush of powerful memories, allied with the cooling whoosh of the autumn evening breeze, I see his truck. Never before had I seen it, all of the sudden, it drove into my life and out again as briefly as it had entered. I had seen it outside my window, waiting for me before. That is where it is; cradled in my memory… along with that step where I first saw him, or that bit of fence upon which I leaned before he embraced me to say goodnight…. together these memories make a friendship of utter sweetness and complete despair… Those places in my memory… as I walk by them today it flashed me back to the hopes and dreams of a girl not long ago and the boy who kindled this flame. But today it is gone, lain to rest. Now I see those places and it appears to me to be just as papers blowing aimlessly by upon an empty, lifeless field where a brilliant and exciting fair-ground once spread. What a waste… sad waste… a premature death of a relationship is no new feeling to me. It happened before… more and more I get use to the usual pains and pricks of rejection, the feeling of being punched in the stomach as a voice sneers in your head: “he doesn’t like you anymore…” I feel the disappointment, anger at my own hesitation and aborted aspirations toward this person. I think… deep down… I knew. I knew he wouldn’t suit me. I knew I wouldn’t suit him. But still, a girl’s heart can’t help but melt by the charm of a man. And if I was ever to relive this wonderful, perfect friendship that died so young, truly my heart would deeper enjoy the pleasures it temporarily offered. Because I miss that friend… perhaps a friend I never really had… but I miss him all the more.” ~Diary entry October 2008
Today 2011:
Sometimes I find it very useful to go back and relive some of your past heartaches. It helps you realize that you can survive today because you survived yesterday. I met a guy several years ago and he saved me one summer with long, deep letters, a never ending supply of quirky, funny text messages, and long conversations which usually lasted too late into the night to end in any intelligible dialect. For that small summer, he faithfully kept me company while my family life and church family decayed into ruin. But when I returned to school, he did a typical guy thing and just....forgot me—Oh boys! Boys! Boys are you listening? Be careful when you hold a girl’s heart! Please! You cannot spend a summer in her company and not expect her to become attached to you. You cannot offer your heart and your attentions toward her and not expect her to be utterly broken when you chose to disappear in her life! Boys! A girl’s heart is so very, very fragile—don’t be a boy about it, be a man, be honorable and lay the matter to rest by telling her. Silence is the most torturous and cruel way to push a girl out of your life. Even if you don’t want her out of your life, if there isn’t room for her, let her know. Feel the heaviness upon her heart when 
she finds herself constantly checking her phone to see if you’ve called. Feel the tears in her eyes when she sees you far off, laughing and giving your attention to all others but herself. Feel her ache when she sees you hug another girl, how badly she longs to be the one in your arms, even if but for a second. Think of her as she lays in restless slumber, your kind and sweet words of the past shrieking over and over again through her mind like a broken record. Boys—if you realized how many tears a girl has shed over you, I think you’d be quite broken up yourself.
she finds herself constantly checking her phone to see if you’ve called. Feel the tears in her eyes when she sees you far off, laughing and giving your attention to all others but herself. Feel her ache when she sees you hug another girl, how badly she longs to be the one in your arms, even if but for a second. Think of her as she lays in restless slumber, your kind and sweet words of the past shrieking over and over again through her mind like a broken record. Boys—if you realized how many tears a girl has shed over you, I think you’d be quite broken up yourself.Because when you are a girl, it doesn’t matter how many new haircuts you get, or new clothes you buy. It doesn’t matter how many hugs your friends give you or how many prayers you send heavenward. In the end of the day, when you climb into bed you are left alone, fighting the intensity of your pain... pain that only will heal with time. I wonder if boys comprehend any of this. Do they feel this emotion? Or are they able to bottle it all up and hide it deep within their hearts? I wish a boy might sit down with me and explain their own hearts, for I long to know how they handle such pain!
Today it is a cloudy day. My mind is filled with distressing thoughts. It has been a rather difficult week. Everything seems to be going wrong—work, physical health, bad weather, a totally flat tire, wild emotions—sigh. Oh life. But one thought that does bring me comfort—many times our struggles of today aren’t nearly as bad as the lessons we had to learn in the past. We never know what God is protecting us from, it always could be worse. How saved I am! God is with us all the way! My comfort is that he knows what we need. Today he is holding my hand and your hand too. He loves you with such tender care, when a boy breaks your heart, when a girl breaks your heart, he is always there to mend it back together. In time, the clouds will fade and I will be full of smiles and energy again. My health will return, there will be air in my tire, my taxes will somehow be filed, there will be good food in my stomach, and there will be joy in my life! Maybe not today, but I have faith in tomorrow because God is already there!
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. ~ Psalm 34:18
For this is what the high and lofty One says--he who lives forever, whose name is holy: "I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.~ Isaiah 57:15
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.~ Psalm 147:3
