It is time for a change. There is no exact reason… it’s just that time. Those of you who compulsively feel the need to habitually tear away from the liturgy of routine may understand what I mean. It’s that almost desperate need to refresh your surroundings in order to keep your life new and interesting. Sometimes, for women at least, this frenzy can be calmed by a new pair of pink shoes…or a trip to the city…or a new car…or eating at a new restaurant...or just blowing something up. I will probably just move my furniture around in my room. Does it kill you how boring my existence currently is?  |
| "The Art of Waiting" |
Some days I wonder how I got here. Back in the day, I was going to be a famous writer, the owner of a four-in-one gas stop (Complete with little ceramic unicorns) and a world traveling shampoo saleswoman. Then I grew up…a little. I went to Freed-Hardeman out of sheer divine intervention, I also left Freed Hardeman out of divine intervention. How would my life be different had I stayed in Tennessee? It’s fun and slightly weird thinking about such things.
Now I am just floating along. I struggle each day filling my hours with purpose and pursuit. It’s rather difficult. Again, I think the reason I am staying here is divine intervention. God is teaching me things. The art of waiting. Gah! Oh how I would rather someone cut me in the side than to make me wait. It’s quite horrible. You see, I met a very lovely person recently (can you call a boy lovely? Probably not) It is almost ridiculous, how ridiculously above he is compared to all the other boys I have met. He exceeds my high standards, which in all my years and all my dealings with the men is a brand new thing that no boy has managed to do before. I certainly don't give praise like this to just anyone. They must indeed be very special! But I can’t have him…not now, maybe not ever. And it's not even for bad reasons, the kind which make a girl cry herself to sleep and eat too much and burn his face out of pictures. No, not at all! I have nothing to reproach him with. The problem is simply bad timing. And it is killing me, this not knowing. The tantalization! You see, normally, I would move on. But I have tried and I just can’t right now. Oh, it would be easier to forget about him and move on if what I liked about him was just his appearance, or his wit, or his charisma. But that’s not what I would miss. How do you forget a person who says the words you were thinking? The person who, when they are talking to you, makes you feel like you are listening to your own mind thinking. How do you forget a person who is better than yourself? Who shows you such sweetness and humility that you feel shamed at your own grouchy and prideful self; you feel determined to be better!
But alas… maybe he has forgotten me. Maybe his only role in my life was to teach me something. God often does that. He introduces characters who show you things, you grow and learn and grow a little more, then those people leave from your life. Maybe that is all this lovely boy is… a lesson of patient waiting.
It’s like that Garth Brooks song, “Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.” We want something (or someone) so badly, we pray so intently to God asking to make him (or her) mine. But God has someone else in mind for a us or a different direction we need to go. I guess the whole crux of the matter is submission to God’s will. Are we willing as Christian’s to let go of what we think we want and instead give our lives to what God wants?
Psalm 37:4 tells us, “Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Does that mean if I love God he will send me a boyfriend or a new car? Of course not. I believe what it means is that if our hearts and minds are in sync with God’s will our desires will change to be more like HIS desires. And in the beauty of God’s ways, we find peace and joy when we follow his model of life. He is our perfect Creator! When we struggle against his standards, we meet with frustration. When we accept his way of life and truly seek his providence, we meet harmony.
So maybe it isn’t time for change. At least not today. I suppose I will wait for that change when God lets me know it is time. But that time is not today. I do, however, believe it is time to move that furniture around. That I am sure of!
“God makes all things beautiful in His time.” Eccl 3:11a
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