Have you ever had one of those times in your life where you feel powerfully like God is trying to change something about you? Rework some of your faulty wiring or adjust some loose screws… or maybe give you a total makeover? And it is one of those things that you can’t quite figure out until it is over and done with? This semester of my life has been rather disappointing to say the least. Things I had thought would happen haven’t happened, feelings I thought I would feel haven’t been felt, and work has proven itself to be incredibly more of a stress than I had originally thought. I don’t want to complain because I know things might be worse, but it is disheartening. Mostly because all the things that would make me happy are out of my control to do so. And then, again, it makes me think: why are you letting your circumstances be the control in the precious and fragile balance of your happiness? Say it isn’t so!
To be honest, I wish I was more adaptable. I wish I was more easily satisfied with people, things, and situations. This whole semester has really, really exhausted me. I have lived in so much stress lately…induced by myself…worrying and wondering and excessively reasoning about things. If I would just relax my standards of what constitutes happiness, redefine my expectations, and just RELAX in general I think I would be extremely more joyful. How do I do this? An overdramatic, OCD, worrier? I don’t want to say dulling down but rather I want to try and simplify myself… yes! That is what it is. I feel like I need to be simpler, shorter sentenced, expect less, forgive quicker, be braver, and be ten millions times more understanding and ten BILLION times more adaptable.
God is definitely trying to teach me something. Something about myself. He is pushing me to the absolute limits, and standing at the threshold of a whole new world he holds his hand out to me asking, “Do you trust me?”
And I do. I trust him with all my heart. I don’t know where we are going; I don’t know exactly how long our journey will be. I just know that God works everything out in his perfect timing and he teaches us things to help our faith grow. In the end we will be stronger because of the lessons we learn today! So happy or not, whatever happens this semester I will strive to trust in God and allow him to work in my life!
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