After weeks of not playing my keyboard, my long forgotten instrument of passion, I pulled out a few of my songbooks and began to plunk a few keys around in a direct response to a challenge issued to me last night. I played the piano since I was seven, yet, I never really excelled in it. Call it lack of confidence, call it lack of interest, call it lack of talent, call it sheer terror of my piano teacher, whatever the case may be I never really reached my full musical potential.
Now, as I sat down at my keyboard this morning, painfully butchering Fur Elise (I could almost hear Beethoven groaning in his grave) I became shocked that I had ever before been able to play this piece well, even in the most elementary sense. My fingers were rusty to say the least… and what did I expect? To accomplish something beautiful without effort? Without practice? Suddenly it dawned on me how much my own lack of discipline was holding me back. Holding me back from completing all the amazing stories in my head, holding me back from practicing that keyboard until poor Beethoven wasn’t wishing I, like him, were dead—holding myself back from doing all the things I dreamed of doing. And what was holding me back? Why procrastinate to indulge in something I so desperately loved? It was obvious from the past that I was fully capable of playing this song. Maybe I was waiting for that unknown perfect time. All the while being unaware of all the beautiful, perfect little moments slipping away forever. Maybe it was the voice of doubt: if I can’t be the best at something, if it can’t be perfect why even bother trying?Maybe it was all of those things.
Why do we hold ourselves back so much? Tell me why? If we knew we wouldn’t fail, what amazing things would we accomplish? Sometimes I think we get too caught up in managing our lives. Worrying about our future careers, or taking advantage of every opportunity, or simply dwelling on the unknown and the pressure to figure it out.
In Matthew 6, Jesus tells us not to be anxious about anything.
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on [ or who you will marry, where you will work, what your future may bring]. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
The beauty of God is that he already knows what our hearts desperately desire! And if it is in his plan, then we shall get it. Why worry and plan and make ourselves insane trying to get everything so perfect? Sometimes I feel like a little toy boat, splashing feverishly against a cruise boat trying to make it move. In the end, I have exhausted myself and the giant ship has not even moved an inch. Why do I always try to do things when God can snap his fingers and make it all happen…or make it even better than we could possibly imagine.
I think if I make any point to all of this it would be this: Take advantage of today. Of the time you are given, of the people God has brought into your life, and the talents which you possess. We aren’t promised tomorrow. And we have the free will to accept God’s way of life or try to manage it ourselves.
Live today in such a way that you can rest at night feeling proud of the time God gave to you. Don’t forget to practice. Beautiful accomplishments don’t happen overnight, it takes diligence, patience, and trust. And never ever forget: God will always be with you!
