My world has changed so drastically as I have graduated. The silly little world of college, the clicks, the dramas, the things that seemed so important and so stressful before, now feels like an old dream—whose blade of weary and hectic hours are quite on the brink of being forgotten. I feel as though my friends are still under the spell which to some curse the days they spend in the classroom. I see many of my friends with heaviness upon their faces, I recall suddenly those last few weeks of school, the frustration, the social isolation, the inability to function in normal capacities—I remember it well when I think on it. But after crossing the bar, I see clearly now as I couldn’t before. What seemed like endlessness, always ends. When I thought I couldn’t do it, I did it. When all seemed hopeless, I eventually found hope. That choking desperation, when duties and demands sweep you away in the tempest, you are always saved. Because in the end, the tests were always passed, the papers always finished, the presentations overs, the projects completed— the semester always end. And you dive freely into the blessed months of summer, some object striking to your memory that, before ,you knew would be on a test. But! you will recall with fierce joy that, no, you do not need to remember what the Mallard Reaction means nor will you fail at life if all the baking functions of sugar, flour, eggs, fat, and salt fail to stay in your mind. What joy!
If I could do it all over again, I wish I would not have given so much time to worry. I would have had more confidence in myself. Because I always passed the test and even if I didn’t, it would not have been the end of the world like I so imagined. I wish I would have given more time to nurture friendships, especially those at Freed. I was delighted to know some of the loveliest people in the world at that place. In the blink of an eye, they were all gone. I was gone. You never know when you might lose a friend from your life forever. Take every opportunity! I fear, in retrospect, that I see the value of a grade is nowhere near the treasure of deep and spiritual friendships.
But I shall not make the mistake again by limiting my views to my present and thinking sadly upon the past. There is freedom in life, accessible at all times. It just depends upon how we look at things and what we value most.
My teacher once said that if you take care the big things—God, family, relationships, spiritual matters, love—the little things—school, chores, work, social events, grocery shopping—will always fall into place. I believe that with all my heart. And as this semester draws to a close and I am left feeling ten years older than when I started it, I look hopefully toward a quiet and healing summer. Always remembering to keep in focus that God isn’t going to leave me anywhere too long, or keep my heart sad longer than it needs.
I pray I will soon fully learn this lesson. For this semester has given me things to learn which far outweigh math tests. It has been a life test…a hard one at that. But this test, I shall not worry over. We all have life tests we must endure, but if we keep God close to us, if we take care of what is most important in this life, I believe with all my heart we shall pass with flying colors!
