Lost upon the residual moments of a very long day, my intrepid prowess to organize my inner health in a manner which might bring me a peaceful, cooling relaxation before slumber, fails me. Weary, I climb into bed, wondering if my feet will ever get use to my job. But for all the aches of these past couple of months, I feel a new perspective dawning on me in quiet, rosy splendor. I feel the ability to praise God in the midst of the storm. Because suddenly, I can see the beauty of it.
Life and all its swift successions of busy nothings cannot compare to the empty moments before we fall into dreams. Those moments of pure solitude where all the walls of the day are pulled down and we stand before the quintessence of ourselves. We are tempted to listen to the dirge of our own thoughts—hurts that aren’t mending, phantoms of fear, nettling worries, shadows of conversations long gone, wicked imps that whisper in our ears of what might have been, fatigued spirits who cannot even dream the name of what color shall burst upon the morning horizon. And in this nosy mellay of the mind, I stop myself.
I thank God for such a time as this. Even though I don’t have understanding, I understand that all this is good for me. I’ve never been face-to-face with myself more powerfully than I am this year. I see who I am, what I love about me and what I need to change. As eager as I am to jump into my dream life, I realize more and more that I am simply not ready for the next step my life…yet. I can barely handle me!
Some days, it feels like I am drowning. I’ll never be able to have the faith to walk on the water. But then I remember God said that all things are possible through him. Someday I will be ready. Someday the loneliness will mend. Someday this will all make sense. But today, I love and trust God enough to realize he is working through all my tears and
aches into lessons of the soul. Because he loves us too much to give us lesser things. We cannot doubt his love because we read of it on every page of his Word. So instead of feeling sadness because life is full of pain, I will change what I see. I will see a God who loves me infinitely. Who wants to take me to greener pasture. Who is helping me become all the beautiful things that I am to become. That is why I praise him in the storm. That beautiful, powerful, life changing storm. I praise him, because I know He loves me that much.
