I had a thought of the utmost profundity to share today. It fluttered in my mind lazily, like a butterfly, so I took it, stole it away safely in my pocket. Yet, somehow it fell out. It is not that I feel so deprived of this great thought, but I feel pathos and remorse...for I am sure that little, huge thought is laying abandoned on the sidewalk...or scattered upon the forgotten aprons at work. Maybe it is lost upon the pile of clean laundry I just threw upon my floor. I feel sadness for it. I hope it isn't too lonely. I suppose what is only proper for a decent and charitable lady like myself to do, is think very, very hard and produce a second deep, profound thought and then lose that one too. For reason followed through to conclusion will show us that the two lost thoughts of profundity will find each other and cease being lost! For they shall have each other! I shall now think up a deep thought.Hm.
Oh, I did have great insight today. As I have problems with excessive reasoning, I have been in the habit of turning to God in times of great distress. I will pour over the scriptures, pray unceasingly, read every help book, ask everyone I know for advice, listen to Chris Tomlin and Casting Crowns until my phone batterey dies--yet, I still did not feel closer to God all the time. I felt frustrated! Why couldn't I get over this excessive reasoning? I then realized today that I was just transferring my "reasoning, fixing, understanding" power over to try to be closer to God. I wasn't trying to fix my problems any more, but I was trying to become closer to God using all my human power. I think there is so much letting go and relying on God that I have yet to learn! It seems when I stop trying, that is when everything makes sense. When I forget about happiness that is when it comes to me. When I cease praying for faith and instead just have it, I then feel peace!
I have so much to learn! God is truly patient with me! How blessed to be His.
<3
